Regret
by Ducky82
Summary: Modern AU S/T Sybil broke both their hearts five years ago. Meeting now for the first time, can they find a way back to even being friends? Will it be more than that? or should the past be left in the past?
1. Chapter 1

New story here. I will be continuing with letters but this one has been going round in my head. I guess it's loosely based on persuasion, but only really the basic premise. I may borrow plot points again, but it depends how it goes. Please review and let me know if anyone is interested in me continuing this. As ever all mistakes are mine. I do try my best but I know I was always crap at grammar in school.

* * *

Sybil pulled her jacket and scarf tighter around her as she walked home from what had been a crap day at work. One in a long line of crap days. The wind blew, chilling her bones even more adding to her misery. This wasn't how she thought her life would turn out. Working in a rotten job that zapped her spirit, while coming home to an empty flat night after night, wasn't exactly every young girl's dream.

Yes she was 'seeing' Larry, if a comfort shag every so often could constitute 'seeing'. But it wasn't a relationship; he wasn't a partner to share her life with, her highs and her lows. 'You had that once' a little voice whispered inside her 'but you gave it up, you let it go'. It was the voice that she tried to ignore and most of the time she was successful. But it was nights like this, after the week she just had when she couldn't. When her brain was filled with thoughts of the past, thoughts of him and what she had given up.

* * *

_Five years earlier_

"Sybil darling, what's wrong?" Sybil stared into the concerned eyes of her eldest sister, unable to speak and promptly burst into tears. This wasn't supposed to happen, she had her life for the next few years planned out not this. Mary's arms wrapped round her trying to bring comfort, but this only led to Sybil crying harder. After a few minutes Sybil attempted to pull herself together, pulling away from Mary, taking deep breaths she tried to talk, to explain.

"Oh Mary, I think..I think.. I'm Preg…Pregnant" She gulped looking up at Mary for the first time, her tears threatening to spill once more

"Sybil how could you be so stupid?" Said Mary harshly "I suppose its Tom's?"

Sybil knew Mary's opinion of her boyfriend, it wasn't that Mary didn't like him, it was just that she didn't think he was good enough for her. Her baby sister in her eyes deserved more than a lowly mechanic, no matter how many times Sybil told her that he was really a writer. It didn't matter. To her writers couldn't support families any more than mechanics could. When it came to love Mary was very old-fashioned, it all came down to money. Love was all well and good but it was secondary. Mary had been lucky, her husband Matthew was a high earning lawyer, who she loved dearly, so Mary hadn't had to choose. Sybil could never be sure which her sister would have picked love or money, if she'd had to.

For Sybil it had always been different, she didn't care that neither her or Tom had any money, they didn't need to be rich, just enough to get by and each other would see them through. Or so she had always thought. But a now a baby? A baby wasn't part of the plan. The plan was to take off, see the world together have adventures, learn who they really were before settling down. She knew Tom loved her, that he had always loved her and would support her whatever. But could she really trap him here with a child. This trip was his dream, his chance to have some real experiences, to help him become a better writer. She didn't think she could forgive herself if she took it away from him. She knew it took two to tango and all that. But it was her on the pill and she had missed taking one. It was her fault.

"Of course it Tom's, how could it be anybody else's?" Sybil said disgusted. "I think I must have missed a pill, I took a test, oh god Mary it was positive. What am I going to do? How can I tell Tom? The trip's all planned and he's so excited. I can't take that away from him. I just can't"

"Well you don't have to tell him"

"What? I can't go traveling and not tell him, I think he might notice pretty quick"

"Well of course not darling, but just because you can't go doesn't mean he can't" Mary said gently

"Oh you would just love that, wouldn't you? You never wanted me to go in the first place. God I came to you because I thought you be on my side"

"I am on your side, I'm just being practical. You said it yourself. How can you take his dream away for one silly mistake? Don't tell him. Tell him you have changed your mind, tell him you don't love him, tell him anything to make him go without you."

"But I can't do that to him, I can't keep him from his own child"

"You can if it's what's best for him. Where will you be three years from now if you tell him, married with a kid, him resenting you cutting short his dreams and you left wondering if he's there because he loves you or because he got you pregnant?"

"I know he loves me" Said Sybil sternly but there was a wobble in her voice.

"I know you believe that now and maybe it true, but if you love him, shouldn't you let him go, wouldn't it be for the best. Matthew and I and Mum and Dad can look after you and the baby when it comes along. Just think about it Sybil. You need to do the right thing."

* * *

Looking back Sybil wondered how she could have been stupid enough to listen to her sister, let alone follow her advice, but she had been scared and unsure of herself at the time. To this day she never forgot the look in Tom's eyes as she lied to him.

"But Sybil Love, I don't understand, we are all set ready to go" Said Tom

"I know, but I've been thinking, this trip is really more about you than it is me, I'm not sure I should come along."

"Sybil, what are you talking about, we have been planning this for ages." He came towards her then placing his hands on her arms eyes pleading. "You and me and the stars, travel, adventure, I can't believe you don't want that anymore."

This was the moment that broke her heart, the moment she destroyed them. But she knew there was no other way, he wouldn't believe anything else.

"Tom, okay I didn't want to do this, but there is someone else, I've fallen for someone else, I'm not sure I love you any more."

He jerked away from her as if he'd been slapped.

"I don't believe you, you wouldn't, you wouldn't cheat on me. Who is he?" he asked suddenly "Actually I don't want to know."

"It just happened, I didn't mean it to, I'm so sorry" she pleaded

"Are you sleeping with him?"

She bit her lip, no turning back now, this would seal the deal.

"Yes" She closed her eyes to the pain in her heart. "I didn't mean to hurt you"

His face still haunted her to this day, the utter shock and hurt etched on it.

"Well I guess there is nothing more to say is there? Love" he added angrily, his usual endearment spat out bitterly. He stood staring at her, for what seemed like hours but was no more than a few seconds, as if trying to decide whether to fight for her or not, tears threatening to fall. Finally his shoulders sagged in defeat and he walked towards the door.

"How could you Sybil? I loved you so much, I thought we were something special " and with that he was gone. It was only then that Sybil had allowed herself to cry.

* * *

She hadn't seen him again after that, two days later he was on a plane and gone for good. So it was too late when a week later after a doctor's appointment, she discovered she wasn't pregnant, a false positive they called it. Her heart broke again for a baby that never was and a love that she herself had destroyed.

So life had continued, but it seemed empty now without Tom. She knew it was stupid to still pine for someone after five years. But the truth was she still loved him, and she didn't think that was ever going to change. She had no way of reaching him and she knew he wouldn't want to see her even if she could. Not after what he thought she had done. But you try telling that to her heart.

Her phone beeped at her, Mary had left her a voicemail earlier in the day that she was yet to listen to. Their relationship had never really been the same since the incident with Tom. She didn't really blame Mary, she was only doing what she thought was right. But she had caught her at a vulnerable moment and used it to manipulate the situation so that Mary had gotten what she wanted. Sybil had stayed behind and Tom was gone. Sybil knew that Mary could see how miserable she was and that she felt guilty for her part in it. But that still didn't mean Sybil forgave her. It didn't lead to the best sisterly relationship and it tended to mean she dodged Mary's calls. She lifted the phone to her ear playing the message.

"Sybil Darling, Hope you are okay? Wish you would pick up your phone every once in a while. Just phoning to check that you are still coming to the anniversary party on Saturday? Look I have some news. I just thought I should tell you." Mary paused as if not knowing how to continue. "Well you see Matthew bumped into Tom on Saturday" Sybil's blood ran cold

"And you know how they always got along so well, could never understand it myself but anyway. Well it would seem Matthew, the idiot, invited him to the party. I just thought I should tell you, I mean he probably won't turn up. But I didn't want it to come as a shock or anything in case he did. Any way please call me Sybil okay, its been a while."

With that the message ended. Sybil stood there in shock. He was back, she might see him again. The thought filled her with equal amounts of joy and dread. How do you face the love of your life, when he probably hates you for breaking his heart?

* * *

Please Review. Should I continue? Sorry for any Mary fans that I made her the bad guy, but it seemed to fit.


	2. Chapter 2

Hey, just wanted to say thanks to all those that reviewed, you're the reason the next part is here. :-). I know we don't always review, i'm as guilty as the next person, but they do mean so much. They are what keep the writers writing. Even if you hate it or think something can be improved, its good to know that .Okay stupid review plea over. Hope you enjoy. As ever mistakes are all my own fault.

The party was in full swing as Sybil approached her Sister and Matthew's house in Islington. At times she envied that they could afford such a place, very unlike her own pokey little flat. But she knew deep down it wasn't the sort of life she wanted.

Mary and Matthew loved each other that was obvious for all to see. But their careers took over so much of their lives that they seemed to have little time left for each other. In Sybil's mind if that's what having a house like theirs cost, then you could keep it. When, if she fell in love again, she hoped that they would be able to find a happy medium between supporting themselves and having time for each other. Surely time spend with someone was more important than time spent at work. Work didn't love you back. Work didn't share your thoughts and dreams. Thoughts of love drew her back to one person, they always did, Tom.

So many times in the last few days she had backed out of coming. She wasn't sure she could face him again. Unsure how either of them would react. She didn't even know if he would be there, he was invited but that didn't mean he was going. It was her sister's party so it would be likely he'd assume she would be there. If he didn't show up what did that say? That he didn't care? That he couldn't face her? Or that it was really over? Deep down she knew it was, that by now he would have moved on, as she should have. God he could be married by now, have kids. She hoped he was happy, he at least deserved that. None of this sorry mess had been his fault.  
She knew she had to find out. That she would never forgive herself if she missed this chance to put the past behind her, to move on. She was trapped by what had happened; her guilt haunted her. She needed to know that he was alright, that he was at least happy. Then maybe she would be free to find her own happiness in the world, whatever that was. If she was honest she just needed to see him again.

So it was with trepidation that she approached the party, a nervous feelings that she hadn't felt in years. It wasn't until she was faced with the prospect of seeing Tom again, that she realised how shut down she was. The feelings it brought out in her were so alien to her, she barely recognised them. It was as if she had been dead inside, from the moment he left to now. She just hoped she'd survive their parting this time. She couldn't let herself hope that this would be anything more than a brief meeting, if he showed. If she allowed herself to hope too much, it would only lead to heartache.

She rang the bell several times before the door finally opened , the music from the party drowning it out to those inside.

"Sybil Darling, you came" Said Mary reaching out giving Sybil a hug. She was obviously far gone on wine, Mary was not a huggy person sober, at least not in public. "Larry's here you must say hello." Mary was keen on Sybil's relationship with Larry. In her eyes he was just right for her Baby sister. Sybil didn't think she would take it too well if she knew that although he was an alright shag, the rest of the time he bored her to tears. She knew Larry wasn't the right guy for her, but at this point she wasn't capable of anything more.

"In case you are wondering, he hasn't shown yet"

"He?"

"Oh don't pretend you're dense Sybil, He! Tom isn't here, maybe he won't come that would be a relief."

"Yeah I guess so" said Sybil trying to hide the disappointment in her voice. If he didn't come, he didn't care. It made her feel more of a fool pining for him all these years. She knew she had no right to ask anything of him, but her just heart couldn't help it.

She had been at the party an hour, standing in her usual wallflower spot, when Larry sauntered over.  
"Hey Sybil, so am I coming back to yours or are you coming to mine tonight?" he asked hopefully  
Larry no wonder he bored her, all he was ever really interested in was getting her into bed and if she was honest he wasn't that good, passable but that was about it. He never really paid any attention to who she was. She doubted if deep down he really knew anything about her, she certainly didn't about him. She would definitely need to drink more before she could even consider going home with him tonight.

"Larry, be a darling and get me another drink" She asked handing him her glass and smiling sweetly, trying not to wince as he kissed her on the cheek. Yes she definitely needed more alcohol. It was in that moment as she turned back to the party that she saw him. He looked the same yet different. Not unsurprisingly older. But at the same time, when his slightly overlong fringe of dirty blond hair fell into his eyes, he looked like the boy she known. The boy she had loved.

He hadn't noticed her yet, busy talking to someone she could quite see. She decided she needed to get a grip on herself before she faced him. She turned away releasing a breath she hadn't realised she had been holding. 'You can do this Sybil, you can do this' was the mantra, whirling around head. 'You ca..'

"I thought I should say hello." His voice hadn't changed at all, the Irish lilt still sent shivers down her spine. She looked up into the bright blue eyes, that she knew so well. They weren't smiling through as she often remembered them. They were cold and formal. Sybil's heart broke a little bit more.

"Didn't want things to be awkward." He continued

"No" said Sybil finally finding her voice. She was about to speak again when.

"Sybil, love, here's your drink" Larry handed her the glass, before turning to Tom holding out his hand "Larry, Larry Gray and you are?"

"Tom Branson" He said taking Larry's hand and shaking it briefly.

"And how do you know our Sybil?" Asked Larry he was trying for friendly, but there was coldness to it. Sybil didn't miss the possessive hands he placed on her shoulders.

"Oh me and Sybil go way back, don't we Syb?" She flinched at his use of the nickname. No one called her that, only him. She couldn't look at him, couldn't look at either of them. She wanted the ground to swallow her up. "Its been awhile tho, must be about five years or so, I've been out of the country." Tom explained

Sybil finally willed herself to look him in the eyes, but she saw nothing there. Not the love that had once shone through. Not that she had expected that but she didn't see hate either. What she saw was indifference, the worst emotion of all.

"Anyway, I was just saying hello, better be off loads of people to catch up with. It was good to see you again Syb" He said but she could tell from his eyes he didn't mean it.

With that he was gone and it was over. Sybil felt empty. He was indifferent, he didn't care. Hate she could fight. But indifference, she didn't know if she could handle that. She suddenly felt like she might throw up. She needed to get out, get some fresh air. Passing off her drink to Larry, she left him in her wake, dashing towards the nearest exit.

Looking up at the sky she tried to control her breathing hoping the waves of nausea would pass. After a few deep breaths her stomach seemed to calm.

"SYYYBBIIILLL!, darling BABY sister what are you doing out here?"

Oh that was all she needed, Edith her other sister was drunk again. Sybil tried to remember the last time she had seen Edith sober. She drew a blank. It wasn't Edith's fault, not really. She and Mary had spent their lives competing in a sibling rivalry that Sybil had luckily never got involved with, at least not personally. She had been caught in the middle of it plenty of times, playing peacemaker between the pair.

Their game of one-upmanship had cumulated in Mary telling, Edith's then fiancé Anthony that he was much too old for Edith. It had been meant as a joke. But it had struck too close to Anthony's insecurities. He had taken it to heart, breaking off the engagement and braking Edith's heart. When Sybil thought about it, it didn't seem fair that Mary got to have Matthew, while she and Edith went loveless. She knew deep down Mary didn't mean to hurt her sisters but she always seemed to manage to.

"She doesn't care you know, that my heart's broken and it all her fault" Edith slurred at her.

"I know, I know Edith but you really need to stop drinking so much, its not helping." Sybil tried to sooth her. It was always difficult when she got like this.

"What would you know about it? I hardly see you, it dulls the pain. You don't know, you and Mary have great lives, I'm the one left suffering, all on my own."

"Yeah, cause my life is so great or are you forgetting?"

"Oh yes, but Tom's back now. Toooooom's come back and you just know you are going to fall into each other's arms, like some great romantic novel. Anthony didn't come back, he won't come back no matter how much I beg. Why doesn't he love me enough, Sybil?" She cried

Sybil didn't think this was the right time to tell Edith that she suspected it was that Anthony loved her too much rather than not enough.

"Tom has barely said two words to me, he doesn't want to know. Edith the world isn't one big romance that you got left out of, most of the rest of us are just as heartbroken as you are " she knew it wasn't fair to take it on her sister, but the night really was getting too much for her.

"Of course you will!" Said Edith forcefully. "Unless he finds out the secret. Sh sh" she said raising a finger to her lips. "Unless he finds out about the baby, mustn't have that, he can't know about the baby" It was out of Edith's mouth before Sybil could stop her, she prayed to god no one had heard.

"Baby what, Baby?" Sybil's heart plummeted in her chest, as she turned around to face the angry blue eyes of Tom Branson. Suddenly indifference didn't seem so bad.

"I think we need to talk? Don't you?" He said

Thanks Please review


	3. Chapter 3

Next Part. Thanks as always for my reviews, follows and faves. They mean the world and keep me writing. I will be going back to letters soon it just I have more inspiration for this at the moment. Oh and I guess there is a little spoiler for the CS just an introduction of a character, but I thought I should warn just in case, don't want to upset anyone and i'm sorry if I do.

* * *

"Sybil, Sybil, we need to talk" Tom said exasperated as he'd followed her in from the garden. "Will you at least look at me, Sybil" He pulled at her arm turning her around to face him. "Sorry" he said letting go when she flinched. "I didn't mean to.. you just wouldn't stop"

"Now's not the time Tom, I can't do this right now" She looked up at him trying not to cry. She'd lost him once and it had nearly killed her, she couldn't face it again. She couldn't have this conversation. If he'd hated her before it would be nothing compared to this.

"What's going on?" a concerned Mary asked approaching the pair. Tom sighed at the interruption, Tom's dislike of Mary was almost as much as her disdain for him, tho he had more right than her.

"Mary, it's been a long time" said Tom smiling but it didn't reach his eyes. "I just needed to talk to Sybil about something"

"Well Tom she doesn't seem to want to talk to you" Said Mary raising an eyebrow. "Sybil, why don't you come with me? You don't have to talk to him."

Suddenly there was white noise in Sybil's ears, shaking her from the shock of Edith blurting out her secret. Her brain still seemingly unable to form whole sentences, she just babbled. "Baby.. Edith .. about baby."

"What? Darling you're not making sense."

"Your Edith's drunk in the garden, she was going on about a Sybil and a baby. I want to know what its about, I think I have a right to" Tom filled in

"Why would it have anything to do with you? God Its been five years and you're still just as full of yourself. Not everything to do with Sybil is about you." Mary returned.

"Well I wouldn't want to disappoint your high opinion of me." Tom smirked "Are we really going to pretend this is none of my concern?" Added Tom after a beat through gritted teeth.

Mary put her arm around Sybil, trying to lead her away. "You don't need to talk to him"

"SYB, Please" Shouted Tom above the music, Sybil spun back to look at him, shaking Marys arm off her. "I deserve an explanation, surely you owe me that much?" He looked pleadingly at her and she couldn't deny him. She nodded mutely

"Sybil, don't do this" Mary entreated. "It can't end well" Sybil turned towards her and as a cover hugged her finally coming back to herself.

"Following your advice, got me in this mess in the first place, so forgive me if I don't trust it now" She whispered in Mary's ear, Mary gasped taken a back.

"I'll be fine Sis" Sybil broke the hug with a smile. Knowing Mary hated the nickname. "I guess we can use one of the rooms up stairs?"

"Of course, use mine and Matthew's room, no one should be up there." Said Mary, with a forced smile.  
"Lead the way" said Tom.

* * *

She entered Mary and Matthew's room, Tom just behind. It was odd being back in a room with just Tom Especially a bedroom. Not that she thought anything was likely on that score, given what they needed to talk about. But it brought back memories and not just of sex, although that had been amazing. But of being together, waking up to lazy mornings, sharing thoughts and feelings about their days. Building a life together.

She looked at Tom standing awkwardly in the corner, was he having the same thoughts, did he still think of them as she did? No of course not, he thought you cheated on him. You destroyed his memories and soon he will hate you even more. The little evil voice inside her head told her.

"Well?" he asked breaking the silence. "I'm listening"

"I'm not really sure where to begin"

"How about with the truth?" He said arms crossed in front of him. "Whose baby was it? Mine? The other guy's?"

"Other guy's?" She asked confused for a moment.

"Whoever you were sleeping with, whoever you left me for." Something flashed in his eyes. "Was it my baby? Did you get rid of it so you could be with him? Or did he make you get rid of it?"

"Tom…"

He smiled but there was no joy in it "That's it isn't it, he made you get rid of it and then he left you. Or is he that arse Larry downstairs? When did you get such crap taste in men?"

"There was no one else" she whispered quietly

"What?" He asked confused. Sybil looked down willing herself to be brave, to pull off the band aid it was the only way and deal with the consequences.

"There was no-one else" she said taking a deep breath finally looking him in the eye. " I never cheated on you. I told you that" she paused for a moment unable to continue. "I told you that, so you would leave."

"Sybil, I don't understand" He moved now to sit on the bed as if this news had knocked the wind out of him. "Why did you want me to leave?"

"That trip, it was your dream you had talked about it for so long"

"And what if I told you that my dream had been you. You and me sharing that trip together. If you didn't want to go, you could've told me, I would have listened. We could have worked something out. I don't understand why you let me believe."

"It wasn't…, I wanted to go" She interrupted

"Then why?"

"I thought I was pregnant!" she finally blurted out. "I couldn't go on that trip Pregnant. I was scared I didn't want to trap you; I didn't want to take the trip away from you. I spoke to Mary and she agreed with me.

"I should have known she'd be involved" said Tom bitterly.

"She did what she thought was right and I was too naïve at the time to realised that Mary's view of right can have its own agenda. She convinced me that if I told you about the baby, you would end up resenting me. And that I would never know if you stayed for me or the baby."

"What happened to the baby Syb?"

She gave a sad smile, hugging her arms around herself "There was no baby, a week after you were gone, I got my period, end of story"

Tom sat there on the bed, he didn't speak for a long time. Sybil crossed the room sitting gently beside him. Finally he spoke "After that last day at the flat, I wondered if I ever knew you at all. You broke my heart Sybil, you destroyed, not only us but any memories I had. You left me believing that none of it had been real. That I was a stupid fool, who you had taken for a ride. I loved you Sybil more than anything and you broke my heart. I thought I could never forgive you, that I couldn't hate you more. But now I'm not so sure, I don't know what to think."

Sybil willed herself not to cry, she needed to be strong, and crying was not going to help ease the pain.  
"I thought you loved me Sybil"

"I did Tom, with all my heart"

He shook his head sadly "You can't of, if you had you would have trusted me. You would have told me about the baby. You do realised that the baby had it been real, would be four now and I would have missed out on four years of its life."

"But there was no baby"

"That's not really the point is it" He turned to face her

"I thought you would be more angry with me."

"I think I am deep down, I just don't have the energy to fight anymore" He studied her face for moment as if seeing it for the first time.

"Do you really hate me?" she asked tears pooled in her eyes. Tom reached out and touched her cheek.

"I tried to hate you. I tried so hard, but how could I? You're my Syb" he said closing his eyes. She placed her hand on top of his and they sat there for a moment, neither saying a word. She felt that familiar pull towards him, slowly she leaned in.  
There was a sudden knock at the door, startled they both jumped apart guilty.

"Come in " Sybil called shakily

"Hi, sorry to interrupt" a blond woman Sybil didn't recognise entered. "Oh there you are Tom. I've been looking for you everywhere. The dark haired girl, Mary was it? Said you were up here."

Tom stood up quickly, giving the woman a kiss on the cheek.

"Ed, Sorry, I didn't realised you'd made it"

"Well you would if you ever checked your phone, hopeless isn't he" She said shaking her head, addressing Sybil for the first time. "Hi, I'm Ed, Tom's girlfriend.

"Ed?"

she gave a small smile "Its short for Edna . Which I hate, I mean who calls their kid Edna these days" She was holding out her hand for Sybil to shake.

"Sybil" she took Ed's hand and smiling weakly, ignoring the buzzing in her ears.

"It will be fun, getting to know all Tom's old friends, he so rarely talks about his past, I almost believe he didn't exist until he met me." She joked. "Anyway, I'm beat, I know I just got here but it's been a long day, you going to walk me home, lover?" She directed at Tom.

"Sure, you go grab your coat and I'll meet you downstairs" Said Tom. She kissed him on the cheek. "It was nice to meet you Sybil" Sybil could only nod. At that moment her world was caving in as she watched Ed leave.

"She seems nice" Sybil said

"Sybil I'm so.."

"No need to apologise" She said lifting a hand. "Its not like.." she stopped herself and took a breath. "We shared a lot Tom, but it was a long time ago. We are different people now. I'm just glad you found someone and you're happy. We can still be friends right?" self preservation was the order of the day.

"I'd like that" he said with a smile.

"and maybe one day you'll forgive me."

He didn't answer her, just bent forward and kissed her cheek. With that he was gone.

Sybil knees gave out and she sat down on the bed. It was only now she let the tears fall. Tom was out of her reach. He might forgive her over time, but they would never be them again. Too much time had past and he had a new life. It wasn't anything she hadn't expected. But the shock of the reality hit her harder than she had thought. Could she live with the pain of having Tom in her life but not really having him.

She knew the answer was yes. The last five years without him had been hell and she would take any piece of him no matter how small. She just had to learn how to do that and be happy.

* * *

Please review. I'm not sure about this chapter, I guess I thought Tom would be more angry but when I came to write it, it didn't seem to go there. Let me know what you think.


	4. Chapter 4

Thanks as always for to all my reviewers, and for the follows and faves. Hope you all enjoy this part. As ever all mistakes are my fault.

* * *

It had been a week since the party, a week since she had seen him. She wondered if that was it or whether they could really be friends again. He had left no way for her to contact him. She had to assume he would contact her if he wanted. So far there had been nothing, she had to wait. The wait was killing her.

'He has a girlfriend' the little voice inside her head answered. But she knew it wasn't about that. She accepted that they couldn't go back. That they would never feel the same for each other. She corrected that, she still loved him. Always would, seeing him again had just confirmed it. But she needed him as part of her life in any way possible. There had been a gap in her soul since he had been gone and only he could fill it. She snapped back to the present as Mary re-entered the room.

"Twice in a week, I do feel honoured." Said Mary handing Sybil a cup of coffee. They were sitting on the sofa at the house in Islington.

"Its not like you really gave me much choice. You kept ringing and ringing, it was the easiest way to make it stop."

"Well that's charming dear sister, it so nice to feel loved."

Sybil gave her an apologetic smile, she did love her sister just hated her meddling. Seeing Tom again had reminded her what that meddling had cost her. "What was so important anyway?"

"I just wondered if you'd spoken to Larry recently?" Mary asked with an innocent face

"And why would you want to know that?" answered Sybil crossly

"Well, its just that I bumped into him the other day and he happen to mention that you hadn't seen much of each other, so I just wondered..."

"Mary, if you know I haven't seen him, then why are you asking?" It was as she thought. Why Mary couldn't just stay out of her life she would never understand.

"I just don't want you to do anything silly. I know last week was traumatic for you. But its done now and you can finally put the past behind you. Larry is a lovely chap and you have so much in common"

Sybil sighed counting to ten inside her head so she didn't strangle her.

"Its time to move on, things have worked for the best. Tom seems okay, you can stop feeling guilty about it. I know you don't believe me but I only ever wanted what was best for you."

"Mary if you still believe all I feel is guilt then you don't know me. And you certainly have no idea what's best for me. When are you going to let me live my own life, make my own mistakes"

"Well you did that and look where it almost got you, pregnant at 18."

"Well you helped make me miserable and heartbroken at 23." said Sybil tears welling in her eyes

"Sybil please..." said Mary taking her hand.

Sybil pulled it back from her grasp, calming herself. "I don't want to talk to you anymore about Tom, about Larry, about any of it. Can't you just leave it?"

"Okay, I'll but out, as much as I can. But you know what I'm like" said Mary

Sybil smiled at this, at least Mary at times recognised her faults. "Yes, your my big sister and I love you, but you do drive me up the wall sometimes." Said Sybil pulling her into a hug, they broke as Matthew entered.

"Well, i'm off down the pub to meet Tom, love"

Sybil's head shot up, she caught Mary out of the corner of her eye, making a dramatic cutting motion across her neck, staring wide-eyed at her husband.

"Butting out huh." Said Sybil staring at her sister.

"Sybil, I don't think its a good idea."

"If you want to remain my sister, no more advice" said Sybil gently but firmly. She turned towards Matthew "Do you mind if I tag along?"

"Well, I em, guess that would be okay, I don't think Tom will mind"

"Good. Where we off to then?" Said Sybil grabbing her coat.

* * *

When they arrived at the Dog and Duck, Tom was already seated in the corner engrossed in a newspaper. Matthew offered to go to the bar, so Sybil approached alone. Maybe this wasn't the best idea, arriving unannounced, what if he really didn't want to see her? She was about to tell Matthew that she'd changed her mind. About to hightail it for the door.

"Are you going to sit down?" Came a familiar voice, god she could listen to him talk all day, didn't really matter what it was about. Luckily for Tom what he said was as interesting as the way he said it. He wasn't looking at her just smiling down at his paper, as if he knew she had been standing there all along. As if he'd been watching her dance of indecision in amusement.

"Hi" She said with a blush. "Matthew's at the bar, I was over at theirs and he said it would be okay if I tagged along. Is it?" She asked suddenly very unsure of herself. "I can go, if its not" pointing behind herself to the door. "In fact I'll just go, I probably shouldn't..."  
"Sybil" She looked up at his interruption. "Sit" He said as he kicked out the chair opposite him.

"Its fine I'm glad you came was going to ask Matthew for your number anyway. Realised after the party, I didn't have a way to contact you. "Guess my brain was elsewhere that night. He said ruefully. Can't be friends if we never see each other can we? "

"I guess not" she said sitting down opposite him, feeling the best she had in days.

"So?" He asked raising his eyebrows

"So?" she said confused

"Your number?"

"Of course" She grabbed a pen out of her bag and scribbled it quickly down on a napkin, passing it over. At that moment Matthew arrived with the drinks.

"All getting along I see, and to think Mary thought it would be a bad idea."

"Why am I not surprised" Tom said dryly, taking his pint with a nod of thanks.

"I really don't know why she's so hard on you, its not like she's seen you in years. She should be grateful to you, we probably wouldn't be married without you" Matthew replied

Sybil spluttered into her drink "What?"

"You don't know the story?" asked Matthew amazed.

"It was nothing, not important" said Tom shaking his head.

"It was actually" said Matthew his eyes telling Tom to stop being silly. "It was the stag do and Mary and I had had an argument. I was ready to call the whole thing off. Its funny I can't even remember what it was about now." he said with a laugh wiping his hand across his brow as he often did.

"Anyway Tom took me to one side, realising how upset I was and gave me a talking to. Told me that even tho he didn't know me and Mary as a couple that well. It was plain for him and the world to see that we loved each other. And then he said something I'll never forget. He said that I wouldn't be happy with anyone else as long as Mary walked the earth and of course he was right." Matthew finished staring off into the distance as if reliving a memory, in the end having to shake himself out of it.

"Wait, you where walk the earth guy? I never knew you were such a romantic" said Sybil.

"I'm not sure how I should take that" answered Tom, Sybil blushed realising what she had said

"I meant with other people, not with me. She added quietly. Mary told me the story she just never said it was you."

"Again not surprised, Mary hates me."

"She doesn't hate you Tom, She just never thought you were..."

"Never thought I was good enough for you" Tom said bitterly

"I wasn't going to say that. I was going to say right for me, but Mary's stuck in her ways and sometimes it clouds her judgement"

"If only you had realised that five years ago" he muttered angrily.

Sybil and Tom stared across the table at an impasse, neither knowing how to take the conversation back to safer ground. It was obvious this was something they couldn't discuss yet.  
Matthew glanced, back and forth between the pair. "Another drink?" he asked hopefully trying to break the tension.

"I'll get them, it's my round" Said Tom his eyes still not leaving Sybil's till the last moment. It wasn't until he moved towards the bar that she felt she could breathe again.

When Tom returned, things were calmer and nobody brought up Mary or the earlier conversation again. They spent the rest of the night reminiscing about past times and Tom talked about his travels.

"So is that how you met Ed? On your trip?" asked Matthew.

"Yeah, we met about six months in and decided to continue together."

"And you have been together ever since?" Sybil asked her heart sinking. 'He was over you in six months, what's it for you five years and counting' the little voice snickered.

"Oh no, no" Tom answered quickly. "We came back from travelling and were both living in London, so we still saw each other a lot. Everything else is a relatively new thing. I've been back a while, its amazing I didn't bump into one of you sooner. For being such a big city, London can feel amazingly small sometimes."

Sybil didn't feel better at this news, but she didn't feel as stupid for pining for so long. It seemed he had taken time to move on too.

"So how long have you been back?" Sybil asked not wanting but needing to know.

"About three and a half years" said Tom. For a moment Sybil's heart stopped beating. He had been within reach for three and a half years? And when he finally came back into her life he had a girlfriend, a recently acquired girlfriend, how much did that suck?

"Is that the time? Mary will have my head if I'm not back soon" grasped Matthew. "Its been great to catch up Tom, must do it again soon." He turned to Sybil, leaning over and kissing her on the cheek. "I trust we will see you again soon, Mary does miss you, you know. I wish you would come round more often. I know she can be difficult."

"But she's my Sister" Sybil finished for him sighing. "I'll try and come round in a week or so"

"Good" and with that Matthew was gone.

"Trouble with Mary?" Tom asked

"We were never quite the same, after, well after you. I can't quite forgive her and she can't stop meddling in mine or Edith's lives. Edith as you saw being the latest casualty, a story far too long to go into now. I have to believe she means well. But her problem is she always thinks she is right, even when she is spectacularly wrong. It doesn't mean I love her any less, just that I find it difficult to be friends with her sometimes."

Tom nodded in understanding. Time was called at the bar.

"I guess that's our cue to leave. Look Sybil do you want to do something next week. Dinner maybe or we could go see a film."  
"Won't Ed mind?"

"Why would she mind?"

"I'm not sure I would like my boyfriend, hanging out with an ex"

"Oh, me and Ed, we don't have that kind of relationship" he laughed. "Honesty she working all week on a project or I would get her to come along. She won't mind, she wants us to be friends. She understands that you are important to me"

"Am I?" Sybil asked shocked

"You were my first love Syb, you will always be important to me". He stared at her for a long moment as if wanting to say more but then deciding against it. "Anyway best find you a taxi home."

* * *

They stepped outside and Tom hailed for one, opening the door for Sybil when it arrived.

"So I'll give you a text about next week?" He said kissing her cheek and handing her into the taxi. All Sybil could do was nod. She heard the click of the taxi door and felt it pull away.

"Where to miss?" She replied with her address, her eyes still transfixed on the man on the pavement. She only turned forward when she could no longer make him out. She was his first love. She would always have a place in his heart. They would be friends, she would have him in her life. It wasn't enough, she knew deep down it would never be enough. But if it was all she ever had it would do. It had to.

* * *

Please review. Not sure when the next part will be done, likely to be after christmas now. Still hoping the CS won't make me too bitter and i'll still want to continue writing. Arh well everything is AU now anyway right. :-)


	5. Chapter 5

Okay here is the next update. I've kinda rushed this out, so don't think it's the best, but I needed to put something out as I haven't for a while and I'm away again from tomorrow celebrating the new year and then my birthday. I might get some time to write while I'm away but not sure, so I'm not sure when I'll next update. As always thanks to my reviewers and followers hope this hasn't let you down too much. Oh and I know I used Edna in my story but she obviously not the same as on the show, it was a toss up between her and Gwen and at the time I knew about Edna making a play for Tom in the CS from the previews so she seemed to fit better, but her character is totally different here to what she was on the show.

* * *

Sybil was worried as she approached the café. 'Its just coffee, nothing more' she thought to herself. 'It will be fun, yeah right'. The invitation had come a few days ago, after one of her 'dates' with Tom. She supposed they had been seeing a lot of each other. There had been the pub, the cinema, a lunch in the park. It was a little like they were dating. Only without kissing and from what she remembered the great sex. God did miss the sex. Not that she told Tom that, she didn't want to inflate his ego any more that it was already.

It was like dating but not due to one sticking point, Tom's girlfriend. The problem was Sybil wanted to hate her, but she found she couldn't. The trouble was she was nice and in some ways they were good together. Not perfect but good. The truth be told Sybil couldn't think of anyone but herself as perfect for him. It helped her feel better. The last couple of weeks with him had been amazing, like the old days. It almost made her forget what had happened, allowed her to pretend that they had never split. That the last few miserable years had never happened. She knew that line of thinking led to nothing but madness but she couldn't help it.

She didn't want to cause Tom anymore pain, he was happy, happy with Ed and she just had to except that, her feelings didn't come into it. He had moved on so she had to too. Hence why she had said yes to coffee when the text had come. She could do this, she could smile, be happy and not let on that her heart was breaking. She could pretend that she didn't want to steal someone else's boyfriend. God she never thought she would be that girl. But she could and would do this. She would have coffee with Ed.

When the invite had come she had panicked at first. What did Ed want? Did she want to warn her off Tom? Tell her that she didn't like another woman spending so much time with her boyfriend partially when that girlfriend was an ex? But she soon came to realise that she couldn't say no that would be too obvious. Ed was Tom's girlfriend, if she wanted Tom in her life she had to make friends with Ed. She knew if Tom ever had to make a choice between the two of them he would choose his girlfriend and she was a fool if she thought anything different.

She spotted Ed sitting at a corner table, as she entered the cafe. Damn it did she have to be quite so beautiful and quiet the opposite of Sybil herself, as Mary had helpfully pointed out.

* * *

"Hi, Ed" She said as she approached.

"Hey cool, you made it, I ordered us a pot of tea, hope that's okay, Tom said you always preferred it." Ed said smiling pointing to the seat in front of her and pouring Sybil a cup of tea.

"Yeah that fine, Tom knew you were meeting me?"

"Of course he did, why wouldn't he.." Ed asked in confusion, then as it suddenly dawned on her she smiled. "Oh you think I'm here to warn you off." She laughed a little too hard for Sybil's liking.

"It doesn't seem that stupid an idea" said Sybil quietly feeling like an idiot. Of course she was no threat, Tom didn't love her anymore. He loved Ed, how could she be so silly.

"Oh Sybil, your right it not a stupid idea, it just you know Tom as well as I do. He's stubborn and there is no way I can tell him what to do. If he wants to spend time with you he will. Me warning you off would be pointless. Plus I don't think I need to. What you and Tom had then was special and what you have now is special. Its good that you can still be friends after everything that happened. But I feel like I know you now, from what I have heard from Tom and have seen from myself, you just aren't the sort of girl to cheat and either is Tom. I guess that's why Tom always had such a hard time believing that part of the story. Even when he told me about you when we first met, he still defended you, as if part of him believed he had done something wrong. I really hated you for that.

"If it helps, I will always hate myself for the pain I caused him, at the time I thought it was for the best."

"I know and I don't hate you anymore. I wanted to, god I wanted to but I just can't"

"Feeling's mutual" The girls both smiled at each other and laughed.

"So he told you about me before?" asked Sybil.

"Of course, you didn't buy that old friends thing when we first met. You were important to him Sybil, when we first met he was still trying to get over you. I knew the full story, or at least what he thought was the full story. I get it I do, why you did what you did. But then part of me can't understand how you could let what you and Tom had go."

"I guess I was young and stupid, its easy to look back in hindsight and say you would do everything different. But I'm glad he is happy. That you make him happy. I just have to work on making myself happy."

"And how do you plan to do that?"

"Well, I thought of taking a leaf out of your book. Take that trip I never did with Tom. I'm not happy here there is nothing for me, but maybe some time out would do me good"

"Tom mentioned the trip after you told him last week, traveling can be an amazing experience, tho I know he will miss you, I will too if that counts. And don't expect it to solve all your problems, they tend to all still be there when you get back, believe me I know." Said Ed with a rueful smile.

"I know that, I just need a break I guess clear my head. Have some fun, live a little."

"So you really have nothing to stay for? Not even Larry?"

"Please, me and Larry aren't a thing, no matter how much he or Mary likes to think we are"

"Tom will be happy to hear that, he can't seem to stand the guy."

Sybil wanted to tell Ed not to tell Tom about Larry. That it made it easier if she seemed attached, but she quickly realised how that would sound to Ed, so she shut her mouth quickly and let it go.

Ed looked down at her watch. "Oh god Tom is going to kill me, I should have met him fifteen minutes ago. Its been fun we must do this again sometime, especially before you leave" she said grabbing her coat.

"Yes we must" said Sybil agreeing, surprising herself by actually meaning it. She watched Ed go, trying to ignore the jealousy in her heart. She might like Ed, she might be happy for Tom. But that didn't mean she didn't wish she was the one running off to meet him. It was why the idea of this trip was so important. She loved having Tom back in her life, but she needed to regroup. Catch her breath and work out how to cope with having both Tom and Ed together in her life, work out how to learn to live with it. How to live with the fact that the guy she was in love with belonged to someone else.

* * *

Hope that was okay, not completely happy with it but felt I needed to update this with something. I know it's a little short but at least its an update. Happy new year everyone.


	6. Chapter 6

Okay so I finally worked out how to change my pen name, but its still me. I'm so sorry this took so long. I was unable to write while I was away and I've been so tired this week, but I've finally got another part. Thanks to all who are still with me, hope you are still enjoying it. As ever all mistakes are mine.

* * *

"So you enjoyed tea with Ed?" Asked Tom, as he walked her home from the pub. They had met up for one quick drink, which in the end had turned into quite a few. She hadn't wanted to say goodbye and he seemed happy to stay. Her travel plans where almost set, she hadn't told him yet. It felt like telling him made it final. That she was finally letting go of him and the past and moving on. She knew she needed to, it was just hard to say goodbye.

"Yeah it was fun, she is really nice, I kinda expected her to hate me." Confessed Sybil

"Hate you? Why would she hate you?" Asked Tom stopping and turning her towards him.

"I'm your ex Tom. Plus I broke your heart, its not an unreasonable assumption." Said Sybil looking up at him.

"Aye, your right but that's all in the past and I forgive you, so she has no reason to hate you. I still might not understand it totally but I'm beginning to get why you did what you did."

Sybil looked up at him a question in her eyes that she didn't ask. Tom placed his hands on her arms rubbing them gently up and down as if to warm her. They were caught for a moment just staring at each other, neither able to say what they wished.

"Anyway" Said Tom as if coming back to himself and drop his hands as if her arms burned. "Better get you home, its freezing."

They continued on in silence, neither knowing what to say or how to continue. Sybil was about to speak, about to tell him that she was leaving in a couple of weeks, when a fire engine sped past them sirens blazing on down the street. They rounded the corner on to her street and to her horror she realised that the fire engine had pulled up in front of her little block of flats. She ran forward towards her home but was stopped by a police officer holding people back.

"Can't go any further miss" she was told.

"But I live in the flat on the first floor what's going on?"

"Ground floor flat caught fire, its almost out now, but the building will need to be checked for safety, no-one will be allow in until at least the morning. You'll need to find somewhere else to sleep tonight. You are lucky you weren't home miss, the smoke could have killed you."

"What's happened?" Tom asked finally catching up, but hearing the last of what the officer had said. Sybil had run off so fast it had taken him a moment to realise what was happening.

"Downstairs flat was on fire, they have put it out now, but I can't stay there tonight, safety checks or something. I guess I can go to Mary's or Edith's" Thought Sybil out loud "Its late and they will be mad for me waking them up but…"

"Hey, hey" Said Tom stepping in front of her to stop her pacing. His hands where again as before on her arms rubbing up and down, this time in comfort rather than for warmth.

"You are coming to stay at mine and that's any end to it."

Sybil went to protest.

"You've had a shock Syb, but its going to be okay, you will come and stay at mine and we will sort all this out in the morning." At this he pulled her into his arms, placing a kiss to her forehead. "Good thing we didn't stop at one drink hey." She crumbled then, falling into his arms.

"Shh, shh, hey none of that" he said ducking down to look into her eyes, wiping away the tears that he found there. "Come on let's get you some sleep"

He let her into his flat and she walked towards the living room.

"I'll go and find you something to sleep in" said Tom nipping into his bedroom

He returned, offering her one of his shirts

"Best I can do" he said apologetically

"Where am I going to sleep, there is only one bed?" she asked looking around.

"You take my bed and i'll sleep on the sofa" said Tom

"Oh no I can't do that, its your bed"

"Its no worry, I've slept on worse, besides I wouldn't be much of a gentleman if I didn't give up my bed for a lady" he said with a wink

"but.." she cut herself off with a yawn

"No buts, your asleep on your feet, now go get some sleep"

She knew when not to argue and headed for his room, she changed into his shirt and climbed into bed. She tried to pretend that the pillow didn't smell of him. Willing herself to sleep.

She awoke early. It had been a long night, she had tossed and turned partly due to the night's events, partly due to the fact a certain man was sleeping in the room next door. As much as she tried to pretend she didn't, she would rather he had been there beside her in bed not on the sofa in another room. At times it had taken all her energy not to go to him, to throw herself at him, who cared about self respect. But she had managed to stay away just; it hadn't led to much sleep tho.

She got up and dressed in her clothes from the night before, folding up his shirt and leaving it on the bed. As she went towards the door she knocked in to his chest of drawers. Leaning against them, rubbing her toe she looked at what lay on top of them. She smiled at an old family photo of Tom and his Brothers and Sisters. It was what lay next to the photo that made her heart stop. For next to the photo lay a jewellery box, some might call it a ring box. Sybil's heart was in her throat.

"Please be earrings , please be earrings" she said quietly to herself as she opened the box. She tried not to cry as she found herself staring at the most perfect engagement ring, not flashy and big. But small, understated, old too, an antique. She had never thought about what type of ring she would like, she no longer had to wonder, this was it. But it wasn't hers. Unless she was very much mistaken, this was Ed's. Tom was going to purpose to Ed. She had known for a long time that she needed to let Tom go. But faced with the absolute truth of it her heart finally broke in two.

Replacing the ring box as she had found it, she stepped out of Tom's room and into the living room. Intent on telling Tom about her plans to leave in a few days and tell him goodbye. She saw him then, still asleep on the sofa, looking so young for a moment she could almost pretend that time had gone back and it was five years earlier. She realised in that moment, that she didn't want to say goodbye. That she couldn't do it face to face. It was finally admitting that it was defiantly over and she was too scared of what she might say. Of how much of her heart she might give away, even in just telling him she was leaving.

He deserved to be happy and if Ed did that for him she had to let it be. She didn't have the right to make him feel bad about it. Her heart was broken but that was her fault not his. He moved in his sleep but did not wake. She placed the note she had written, explaining that she hadn't wanted to wake him, on the table and moved down beside him.

"I have loved you since the moment I met you. And I will always love you, but I need to go, need some time to get over you." She whispered quietly, she needed to say the words even if she risked him hearing them. She took one more risk and kissed him gently on the cheek. She breathed in willing the tears not to fall until she had left. She stood moving towards the door.

"Bye, Tom" she said with a watery smile and was gone.

She spent the rest of the morning in a local café waiting for the police to call to tell her she could return home. When she finally got there she was numb, not sure of what to do.

"Get a grip Sybil" she said to herself. First things first was to change her flight, she was supposed to be leaving in a couple of weeks, but she needed to go now, tonight. She got on to the airline, it cost but she was able to book herself on to a flight leaving in a few hours. Once she'd packed and booked a taxi, there was only one thing left to do, write a letter to Tom. She felt she needed to explain, to tell him something. She couldn't just disappear, that wasn't fair. So as she waited for the taxi to arrive she wrote to him.

_Dear Tom,_

_By the time you read this I will be on a plane, ready to begin my adventures. God I sound like someone out of a movie don't I. I guess you are wondering why I have disappeared so suddenly. You know me never one for long goodbyes, couldn't stand the idea of a farewell party, so I beat Mary and Edith to it and left early. Okay that's not completely true, just understand that I needed to go._

_I hope you and Ed are very happy together. I know she makes you happy and I hope that someday I will find someone who will make me just as happy. I think I've been holding on to you for a long time, but I realise now I need to let you go. We were what we were and I will always regret how we ended. These past few weeks have reminded me of that. But I know you belong to someone else now and I need to be okay with that._

_This isn't goodbye just in case you are wondering. Well I guess it's a good bye to what we were. But I'll be back I don't know when but I'm going off grid for a while, no email, no mobile. Tell Mary that I'm okay and that I'll send her a postcard every once in a while to let her know how I'm getting on. Hey maybe I'll return with the love of my life, just like you did. That's the taxi outside wish me luck._

_I'll miss you_

_All my Love _

_Sybil_

When she arrived at the airport, she brought a stamp. She stood at the post box for a few moments wondering whether she should post it. She looked down at Tom's name, pressing a kiss to it and dropped it in. There it was done, she breathed in, it was time to go, time for a new adventure, time for a new part of her life.

* * *

I toyed with joking that this was the last part at the beginning, but I thought you might kill me for that. Hopefully the next part won't take me so long.


	7. Chapter 7

Sorry for the shortness of this chapter and its lateness, hoping to get more written in the next couple of days. Thanks as always for the reviews and follows. I know we writers always bang on about reviews but they mean so much to us, the good and the bad. As ever all mistakes are mine and i'm sorry for the mistakes in the last chapter, I looked back through it, I guess in my haste to get it published I missed some, so sorry if it ruined your enjoyment of it.

* * *

12 Months Later

Sybil scrambled out of the taxi, turning back to haul her overstuffed backpack with her. 'Who knew you could collect so much stuff traveling' she thought to herself. She paid the driver and dragged her luggage up the stone steps that led to Mary and Matthew's home. After several minutes of ringing the doorbell, she started to regret her plan to appear unannounced in the hope that her sudden appearance would stem any ill feeling on Mary's part. True to what she had written to Tom, she had made no contact with home apart from a postcard every few weeks so they wouldn't worry too much. It was strange to think they knew little of what had happened to her in the last year and she had no clue of the events in their lives. At the time it had seemed refreshing, freeing, now she wasn't so sure. What would she be walking back into?

There was still no answer definitely not at home. This wasn't good, she couldn't get in and she had nowhere else to go. She looked forlornly at her heavy backpack. She really didn't want to drag that around london. She needed a new plan.

"They are not home love" said a voice over her shoulder, she turned to see Mrs McTeer Mary and Matthew's next door neighbour, poking her head out of her door.

"Oh do you know when they will be back?"

"Seemed dressed for a party to me, told the taxi the Carrington Hotel, not that I was eavesdropping or anything" she added with a wink.

"Damn, Mary didn't know I was coming, What do I do now?" resisting the urge to kick her bag, blaine of her life.

"Sybil isn't? Mary's sister?" Mrs McTeer questioned, to which Sybil nodded.

"I guess they will be sometime, why don't you leave your bag with me and go down to the hotel, I'm sure Mary wants to see you."

"You wouldn't mind? I don't want to put you out.

"Not in the slightest, just pick it up when you're back later"

"Thanks so much that's a great help."

Sybil deposited her back in the hallway of Mrs Mcteer's and thanked her profusely before heading off to find a taxi to take her to the Carrington.

She had guessed they were going to some kind of function, but she hadn't expected a wedding reception, or more to the point she hadn't thought that far ahead, but as she walking into the Carrington, she could see from the decorations that that was what was taking place.

Her heartbeat in her chest it couldn't be could it? No Mary would be going to Tom's wedding, though him and Matthew were close. It would just be her luck to come home the day he got married. She had gone away to forget about him, trouble was how did you forget about someone when they were the first thing you thought of every morning and the last thing on your mind every night. And then there were all the times in between. What was the saying 'distance makes the heart grow fonder.' Sybil knew that only too well.

Sybil willed herself forward into the hall, where what was likely to be the wedding breakfast was taking place, it was now or never. She slowly walked in, hoping to go unnoticed, so she could make a quick exit if needed. As she surveyed the room she picked out, Mary and Matthew sitting at a round table near the centre of the room. At the far end was a long table, the top table she guessed. It was here that her worst fears were realised. For there was Ed looking every bit the blushing bride, deep in conversation with the man sitting next to her, who leaned in and kissed her cheek. The man in question was Tom, dressed in a morning suit, they looked every bit the happy couple. Sybil didn't wait to see more she turned and fled.

* * *

Runs quickly away before things are thrown at her ;-)


	8. Chapter 8

Well reviews and cliffhangers seem to make me write faster, so here is the next part :-). Just want to thank all my reviewers. I have reached over 30 on this story and to me it seems like a milestone :-) so thanks to all of you.

* * *

"Sybil? Sybil, Sybil Wait"

She could hear him calling behind her, as she ran down the steps of the building, but she couldn't stop, couldn't let him see her cry. It wasn't his fault he'd fallen in love with someone else.

"Jesus, Syb will you just hold on a minute?"

He finally caught up with her, grabbing her arm and spinning her round to him, as gently as he could.  
"It is you, thank god or that could have been really embarrassing" he said bending over, clutching his stomach, trying to catch his breath. "Where did you learn to run like that? I don't remember you being that fit when we were together but just for the record these shoes are a right bugger to run in." he said trying to regain some male pride. "You shot off so fast I almost didn't see you. Where you running off to so quick? You should come join the party."

"I can't do this right now Tom, I just can't "

"Syb, just come to the party, everyone will be dying to see you. I know Ed and .."

"WHY CAN'T YOU JUST LEAVE ME ALONE." she shouted, trying to hold back the tears threatening to spill down her cheeks.  
"Syb? Whats wrong?" he looked at her concern in his eyes, he tried to reach out and wipe a traitorous tear that rolled down her cheek. She turned her head away from his touch.

"Don't call me that, you are not allowed to call me that anymore" she wished she didn't sound like such a child, but she couldn't bare it. She knew she must seem unhinged, but her heart ached at the loss of him. The thoughts in her brain just wouldn't make sense.  
He stepped back from her as if he'd been slapped, a look of pain crossed his face

.  
"Syb... Sybil I don't understand, why you're so upset with me? I haven't seen you in a year and then first thing you do is scream at me. What have I done? Was it the emails? I know you said no contact and I guess the first one might have been upsetting, but I wrote you everyday I thought that would mean something. I thought maybe you could forg..."

"What emails? I haven't read any emails. I just...I don't want to talk right now, not everything is about you Tom, I just need to see to Mary" She wished she could stop sounding quite so insane.

"I can go get Mary for you, I know she will so happy to see you, she has missed you so much, we all have." but he made no move to go. He just stared at her, as if trying to figure her out. Trying to figure out what had happened to his Sybil. No that wasn't right she wasn't his Sybil anymore, she wasn't allowed to be.

It was shock that had her acting this way. It had to be. It was one thing to know that something was a possibility, but to have it confirmed, right in front of you. She had fooled herself into thinking that maybe he didn't propose. That maybe he had second thoughts and couldn't go through with it. The fantasy played out in her mind where she would return from her time away and Tom would be a free man and maybe just maybe they could have started again. She knew she was being an idiot. Holding on to false hope, but at the time it had helped, living that dream. Deep down she had hoped they just had the decency to move away, to not rub her face in their happy life. Maybe she needed to go, start somewhere new. That would mean a life without Tom even as just a friend. if they could ever really be that, the thought hurt her soul but she could do it. Hell she had done it for five years and survived. It had been cold and lonely and a little empty but she could do it again, she had to, what other choice did she have. She would have to leave.

"How do you know Mary's missed me? You can't stand each other" she said suddenly pulled back to the man in front of her, decision made.

"A lot can happen in a year, people can change" he said

"Not that much"

"We have an understanding now, we spent a lot of time together in the last year. We formed a club, you see" he said with a smile but there was no joy in it. "The 'we miss Sybil, wish she would come home and thank god every time we receive a postcard, cause at least we know when she sent it she was still alive club'." he said holding her gaze for a moment, she could see the anger there, but underneath she could see the fear she had put him through everyday she had been away.

"Catchy" replied Sybil trying to cover her remorse at his pain and her confusion that he cared so much, surely he was too busy with other things to worry about her.

"Well i'll admit the name needs work but I think you get the point." He said narrowing his eyes. " There are other members too. Edith, Matthew, your parents ". He said counting them off his fingers. "But me and Mary, we are the founding members"

"You didn't need to worry about me, i'm not your responsibility. I told you I wasn't going to be contactable."

"I know that Syb.. Sybil" He said correcting himself "Its got nothing to do with responsibility, just because you can look after yourself. Doesn't mean we didn't care, doesn't mean we didn't worry and doesn't mean I wasn't pulling my hair out between postcards."

"You shouldn't of been worrying about me, you have other responsibilities"

"Other responsibilities? Sybil what are you going on about?"

"Shouldn't you be getting back? They will have missed you by now. She really is perfect isn't she, she is so bloody understanding. Why couldn't she just be a bitch then at least I could hate her, but no she had to be actually likeable." Sybil spat with a shake of her head. "How was I ever suppose to compete. God if my husband ran out of our wedding reception after his ex, i'd kill him. But she's not even worried is she? Not even looking for you."

"Husband? Sybil I don't" He then looked down at his clothes, and his faced changed as if the truth of the situation just dawned on him and he laughed.

"I don't see what's so funny" she said hurt.

"No well you wouldn't, but it really it is quite funny. He said biting back another chuckle. "Sybil?" He asked " what do you think happened today?"

"You and Ed got married "

"No Sybil we didn't. He said with a shake of his head and a small smile. " Larry and Ed got married. I know it was a little out of left field. I still think he's an eejit, but I think that might have more to do with you than him. But Ed seems to love him. So I guess thats all that really matters. "

"Larry and Ed?" she asked confused "But you are dressed as a bridegroom" pointing to his clothing.

"Bridegroom or the best man or some would say maid of honour. Ed was never conventional and i'd look kinda funny in a bridesmaid dress, not that I couldn't pull it off, I think I have the legs for it, but.." his voice faded as he looked at her suddenly serious.

"Oh " said Sybil the pieces of the puzzle beginning to click into place "But I found a ring and she was your girlfriend. And just now you were at the top table and you looked so in love. I couldn't stay, I couldn't watch I .." confused tears threatened to fall again.

"Oh God Sybil" He said grabbing her hands. " I'm so sorry, its all such a mess. I never meant... i've been a bit of an eejit myself you see."

Tom looked around him and led her to a bench nearby, motioning for her to sit. He sat on the bench with her, cupping his hand against her cheek. "I need to tell you a story and I think you should be sitting down for it. But you have to promise me one thing"  
She nodded her brain still processing the news, trying not to lean more into his hand.

That you will listen to everything I have to say and let me finish before you decide whether you hate me or not" He said dropping his hand, she tried to not cry out at the loss.

"I could never hate you" she said quietly

"I wouldn't bet on it, I don't think I come out of this too favorably"

"But this is something I need to hear?"

He nodded, took a deep breath and so he began.

* * *

Hope that sort of makes up for the cliff yesterday :-)


	9. Chapter 9

Sorry this took so long, couldn't seem to get it started. I guess I had the idea for this chapter so long ago and have written it in my head so many times that for me it was never going to live up to how I wanted it to be. So i'm not really sure about it. Please let me know what you think. This is a bit of a departure for this story as this chapter is from Tom's POV we finally get inside his head. Flashback as in italics.

extra note sorry I posted too quickly and with loads of mistakes, hopefully I caught them all and it didn't wreck your enjoyment too much. Also thanks for all my reviews forgot to say, I hit over 40 so i'm very very happy. But I'd always like more ;-)

* * *

He dropped her hand and stood up, pacing back and forward raking his hand thought his hair. He always did that when he was nervous. He didn't know where to begin, how to explain this mess that he had created. He hadn't meant to hurt her; it has all started out as an exercise in protection, protection of his own heart.

"Well I guess it all started after Mary's party, that's not totally true" He said with a sigh, raking his hand through his hair again. "The plan started before that, it was after Mary's party that I should of put a stop to it."

* * *

_"Did you see her face when I called you 'lover'? It was priceless Tom, not that she didn't deserve it. Ed kept talking animatedly beside him not realising Tom was lost in his own world. "Though what happened to staying away from her?" she said bashing him with her shoulder. "I had to rescue you from a bedroom Tom, a bedroom, now these are not the actions of a man protecting his heart. Tom are you even listening to me? Don't tell me that little bitc.."_

_"Stop it Ed, don't call her that" Said Tom angrily._

_"Oh Tom you see her again for all of five minutes and you are back under her spell."_

_"It's not… its not that simple."_

_"Well I think it is. She broke your heart Tom, and not just broke, ripped it of your chest and stomped all over it. I know I didn't know you back then, but I did six months later and you were still picking up the pieces, I helped you pick up those pieces. And if you think.."_

_"She told me something, it changes things."_

_"What could she of possibly said, that could change what she did?_

_Tom then repeated the story he had been told earlier that evening._

_"Oh god Tom and then I just stormed in like a bull in a china shop."_

_"Well you did always have great timing, but you were just doing what I asked you to do."_

_"We can go back, tell them the truth."_

_"And make me seem an even bigger loser. It was never about hurting her or revenge, it was about self preservation. About not walking in there that same broken-hearted sap from five years ago. That was the plan, you play my girlfriend and I don't seem so pathetic."_

_"But.."_

_"It doesn't matter, damage is done, she is with that wanker Larry anyway, I never had a chance."_

_"Tom, I really think you need to tell her the truth."_

_"To be honest, I probably won't see her again."_

_Ed stopped him at that moment, turning him towards her, raising her eyebrow in question. Tom's shoulders just slumped._

_"Damn it you always know when I'm lying."_

_"Comes from being your best friend, so you are really going to go through with this? We are still going to pretend that we are madly in love?" She said with a roll of her eyes. A nod was her only answer._

_"Oh Tom what am I going to do with you? This can only end in tears. But I'm your best friend and that means I stick with you" He smiled at her then and swung his arm around her shoulders. They walked the rest of the way in silence._

* * *

"I can tell you're angry." Said Tom holding his hands out in front of him, as if they were a shield. "I know it seems bad."

"Angry? You have no idea what I'm feeling right now." He moved to walk back to the bench but she held her hand up to stop him. "I think its best you stay over there for the moment. I need to get this straight in my head. I get why you pretended that you and Ed where a couple, at least I think I do." She raised her hand to stop him when he went to speak again. "But what I don't get is why you continued. You had weeks Tom, so many times when you could have told me, we saw each other so many times."

"And I was going to but then you started talking about the trip and going away."

"My trip? What does that have to do with anything?"

"It gave me another reason to be stupid."

* * *

_Tom checked his watch for the thousandth time, when he finally saw her walking towards him._

_"You're late" He told her._

_"I know, I know, don't blow a blood vessel, so don't you want to know how tea with your lady love went?" Ed asked._

_"Don't call her that."_

_"Well she is isn't she? Well I have good news, she passed. Not that you need it cause you never listen to me, but she has the Ed seal of approval."_

_"I still don't understand why you needed to go to tea with her."_

_"What Tom? Are you worried we are going to gang up on you. That we will share all the deep dark embarrassing secrets that we know about you." She shook her head. "Look Tom, you won't tell her the truth and you two have been spending way too much time together. Any normal girlfriend would have gone crazy by this point. If you want to keep up the pretense. its not going to seem real if I don't care that you are hanging out with your ex. And anyway when you two finally get back together. I want to be friends with her." She gave him a small smile. "I can see why she is so special to you, she really is lovely. But Tom you've got to stop this and tell her the truth or you will lose her. And on that note I have some other great news. She's not with Larry." she declared._

_Tom just walked off shaking his head. Ed ran up next to him a question in her eyes._

_"I knew that already. Sybil hadn't said so in so many words, but she was spending so much time with me. She wouldn't have had much time for him. Also she never talked about him. I know Sybil even after all this time and whatever her and Larry were, its over and the less I think about it the better. As thoughts of her with anyone else tend to send me a bit crazy. But that's not the problem."_

_"Okay what is it this time? What great excuse have you come up not to tell her. I know you are scared she will break your heart again, but if you don't take that leap."_

_"I know and I was going to tell her. I was ready to tell her the other night, but then she started talking about the trip and her eyes lit up. My feelings for her haven't changed but she is not the Syb I knew. The light has gone out in her and I know, no matter how much I want it be I'm not the only reason and I don't think I can bring it back. She needs to do it for herself. And I'm scared, scared that if I tell her the truth that she will stay and I think she really needs to go and maybe re-discover what's she's lost."_

_"Isn't that her decision, aren't you now doing the same thing to her that she did to you. Not giving her the choice. Is it really that you're scared she will stay for you or are you scared she won't?_

_"Which one makes me less of a bastard" he said with sad smile._

_"Tom what am I going to do with you?"_

_"Be my best friend for life so I don't die alone" She couldn't help but hug him._

_"Well at least we know one thing, Larry is free." Said Ed with a twinkle in her eye, walking off._

_"And what is that suppose to mean? Ed? Ed?" asked Tom running off after her._

* * *

"Just so you know, I would have stayed if you had asked me to."

"Even after I told you the truth?" He asked hopefully.

"Truthfully?" he nodded "I'm not sure" she said biting her lip. He looked away.

"Can I ask you one question?" He said turning back she no added. "Why did you leave so suddenly without telling anyone, breaking all contact with everyone?"

"That morning in your flat, I found a ring. I thought you were going to purpose to Ed and I couldn't cope, I had to get away and not facing anything that was happening here seemed the easiest way."

"God, I really broke your heart didn't I?" She nodded trying to stop the tears from falling. "Well if it helps your letter broke mine."

* * *

_"Tom? Tom? What are you doing sitting in the dark?" said Ed pulling back the curtains in his living room._

_"She's gone" His voice was hollow, lost._

_"Who's gone? Tom? Talk to me?"_

_"Syb, she sent me a note and she gone, off on her trip, god knows where. Its why I couldn't get a hold of her the last couple of days."_

_"Did she find out? I don't understand I thought this was what you wanted. For her to go on the trip."_

_"Yes no, I don't know, she didn't even say goodbye face to face Ed and she doesn't want any contact. I wasn't suppose to completely lose her not again. She was suppose to email, maybe call, maybe in a couple of months I could of told her we had broken up. Oh don't look at me like that I would have told her the truth eventually. She wasn't suppose to leave nothing but a letter wishing us happiness in our future lives."_

_"Tom, I'm so sorry" she pulled him into her arms while he sobbed._

* * *

"That's when me and Mary started the club, its not so much that she grew to like me, just couldn't get rid of me."

* * *

_"Okay, Okay I'm coming" Mary answered to the incessant banging on the door. "Oh its you, might of known." She sighed moving aside to let Tom in._

_"Have you heard anything?" Mary slipped the recent postcard into his hand._

_"It came today, the usual, nice picture somewhere in the Caribbean this time. No real clue as to when she is coming home. Look Tom, I've forgiven you for what you did, I even might like you, just a little bit and I know you love my sister. But you have got to stop beating yourself up. She'll come back when she's ready."_

_"And what if she doesn't?"_

_"Then you'll have to learn to be without her."_

_"I don't want to be without her."_

_She gave him a gentle smile. Then called for Matthew._

_"Matthew, take you friend here down the pub, I think he needs a drink."_

* * *

"So that's the whole sorry story."

"It could be worse" she said with a smile "You could be married."

He walked over to her sitting down on the bench taking her hand.

"Can you forgive me?"

"I don't know. And I know that's not really fair, I mean I did worse with the baby I guess and you forgave me. But you broke my heart; you could have told me so many times and no matter what your reasons were you should have told me." He nodded "It makes me think it shouldn't be this hard, we shouldn't have to fight this hard if we are suppose to be together. Maybe, maybe its just not meant to be. I need some time to figure it all out. Can you give me that? will you wait?"

"I've waited for you for the last year. I think I waited for the five years before that, I'll wait forever if I have to" He said allowing his hand to touch her cheek

"I'm not asking for that." she said leaning in to his hand.

"You never needed to."

They stared at each other for a moment. Until Sybil finally looked away.

"Well, I guess I should go face the music." Said Sybil standing up and wiping her eyes. "So on a scale of one to ten, how much does Mary want to kill me?"

"Oh I'd say about fifty."

"That bad." he nodded up at her.

"Well its now or never."

He watched her walk away, hoping it wouldn't be for the last time and that their forever was just around the corner.

* * *

Please let me know what you think the good and the bad and also if I've still missed any mistakes.


	10. Chapter 10

Hi, I'm back sorry this took so long but real life just kept getting in the way. Thanks as always to all my reviewers, faves and followers. I hope you are all still with me.

On a side note did anyone else get excited about the Nigel Harman casting news. The thought of him and Allen Leech being on the same show. It almost got me excited for Series 4, then I remembered what happened to Sybil. :-( Oh well at least i'll have something pretty to look at. Even if i'm watching with the sound down.

Anyway on with the show.

* * *

"SYBIL!"

"What?" Came a voice muffed by the duvet that was covering her face as she lay on the sofa.

"Are you planning on doing anything today? Or are you just going to veg in front of the tv getting lobotomised by daytime television?" Asked Mary.

"I'll have you know" said Sybil folding the duvet back on its self so Mary could see her face and Sybil could you know breathe. "Jeremy Kyle is a very informative program. I now know to recognised the signs when my boyfriend is cheating and when to bring out the lie detector test."

"Tom would never cheat and you know it."

"No he just lies to me about a fake relationships and he's not my boyfriend."

"Well what is he then? Come on Sybil you have been back for two weeks and you have done nothing but mope around this place in your pyjamas. Its not exactly attractive."

"Maybe I don't want to be attractive." Sybil suggested grumpily.

"Sybil, you need to sort yourself out. You can't live on my sofa forever. You need to find a job, a flat and sort out the mess that is your love life. Now I'm not saying you have to start with Tom, but it might make things clearer, if you both knew where you stood."

"LALALALA… I'm not listening" said Sybil sticking her hands over her ears singing to herself.

"Stop being such a child, Sybil. You have to deal with it sometime. You have to decide what it is you want."

"I don't know what I want" she answered petulantly. Off Mary's look she changed tack. "Ok" she huffed. "Maybe I do know what I want, I just don't know if I can have it. Trouble is every time I think about it, I just get really angry. I tried to read the emails Tom send me while I was away."

"And?"

"Didn't get passed the first one, it was explaining about the Ed thing and it kept reminding me.

"Of what?"

"How much I want to kick him in the balls. Thought it might be best to keep my distance while feeling that inclined. I've gone from shock into to anger. I thought I would move to acceptance but no I really don't know how to get past the anger."

"Well if it helps, Matthew said Tom's a mess. They went for a drink last week and Tom was trying so hard not to talk about you, that all he could do was talk about you. I think its killing him to keep away, but he is doing what you asked."

"It doesn't help; I don't want him to be miserable. I just.. It shouldn't be this hard. We keep hurting each other. If we really loved each other we wouldn't do that."

"No the problem isn't whether you love each other its that you keep listening to other people rather than talking to each other. Then out of misguided protection, either of each other's heart or your own you lie to each other, hurting both of you in the process."

"As I remember it, it was you I listened to in the first place. That's what started this mess. Why are you suddenly on team Tom?" said Sybil bitterly

"I'm not darling, I'm team Sybil. Always was, even if at times I was misguided in what I thought was right for you. I'm just saying that for once it's up to you and if you throw this away it will be no one's fault but your own. Take your time by all means decide what you want. But don't waste it lying on my sofa, use it. Read the emails he sent. He sent you one a day for a year that has to mean something. Think about what's best for you and for him. If that's together than great, if its not, then at least put him out of his misery and move on."

"When did you get so smart?" Asked Sybil with a smile leaning over to give her sister a hug

"I think maybe I just grew up a little bit." Answered Mary leaning into the hug.

"Right, I guess I need to do this don't I?" Said Sybil throwing off the duvet. "Where's my laptop?" Hopping up from the sofa and upstairs to the guest room which at least for the moment had become her own.

* * *

Many hours later Sybil sat sniffing. A wave of emotions had passed over her in the last few hours. Laugh and tears, joy and fear. Tom's emails had filled her in on all she had missed while she had been away. His strange growing friendship with Mary, she could tell he couldn't quite believe that he was finding himself actually liking her. Edith's love life including her latest scandalous affair with a married man. Ed and Larry, she still had problems understanding that but they seemed happy, so who was she to judge. Even though she had been back for two weeks, she realised she still had almost no idea of what had happened in her absence.

She had been in her own little bubble, the one she had been in since leaving last year. It hadn't popped the moment she stepped off the plane like she had expected, but continued, her own little safety net. Protecting her from the world, but also stopping her from returning home to where she truly belonged. It was time now tho she decided. Time to come back to her world and let the people she loved back in.

She had almost made up her mind about Tom, about what to do about them. In her heart she guessed she had always known, but had been scared to take that leap to risk her heart again. She had lost him too many times to fail, she knew she wouldn't survive this time. So the question was, was it worth the risk. In the end were they better off just being friends. At least she would have him in her life and that was enough wasn't it. She could cope with that, at least until he fell in love with someone else. This played on her mind as she opened the last email.

_Dear Syb,_

_I know you don't seem to like it when I call you that anymore. But the fact is you're my Syb and you always will be. No matter how hard either of us tries to change that. I think this will be my last email to you for a while. I know it seems strange to email everyday for a year and then just give up, but I guess I got the message, I know that if you wanted to get in touch you would and I know I need to give you your space. The email stalking is getting a little creepy._

_Not that I'm giving up on us, if there is one thing about me I'm stubborn, you know that. I won't let you go until you tell me you don't love me anymore. That's a conversation that needs to be had face to face, so sorry Syb you are going to have to come home for that one._

_It's going to be a busy few days what with the wedding and everything. I look at Ed and she is so happy it reminds me of what we are missing, what we could of had. It makes me think of what our wedding day would be like. Not that I'm asking so no pressure, but I just want you to know I have thought about it. ;-)_

_I wish you would come home, I miss you everyday. I just wish I could talk to you. I feel your absence in every minute and its harder than before. Before I could hold on to my anger and use it to re-mind myself why we were apart. But this time its my fault and I'm so sorry for that. I never meant it to go that far. I never meant it to hurt you, but it must have or you wouldn't have left without a proper goodbye. As you can see from earlier I don't count goodbyes by the written word, face to face is the only way. :-)_

_It was always about protecting myself, my heart, never about hurting you. It just got to a point where I couldn't stop lying, I was so scared that I would lose you if you knew the truth, that it was easier to keep the lie._

_I guess I will sign off now. I won't say goodbye not because it wouldn't be real, but because I never want to say goodbye to you. I hope you are enjoying your travels and I hope they have given you what you needed but the selfish side of me hopes you come home soon. Back to me._

_I love you._

_I need you._

_I miss you._

_Always_

_Tom_

* * *

"MARY" Sybil Shouted running down the stairs.

"What is it Sybil?"

"I need to borrow the car?"

"Now Sybil, you know I've never been sure about your driving, why don't I drive you?"

"Mary, stop treating me like a baby, I got myself round the world I'm perfectly capable.."

"It's the car I'm more worried about. I remember what happened before" said Mary arching an eyebrow.

"Come on Mary it was just a little scrape and I was seventeen. Please Mary I wouldn't ask if it wasn't important." Sybil implored.

"Shouldn't you be working out what to do about Tom?"

"Why do you think I want the car" said Sybil annoyed.

"You are going to see him? What are you going to say?"

"Sorry Mary but I need to talk to him first, you said it yourself we need to stop letting other people interfere."

"Okay fine, they are hanging on the hook by the front door, but be careful darling, scrapes can be expensive."

Sybil made for the door stopping a moment to rush back to her sister and kiss her on the cheek. "Thank you" she said running towards the door again.

"What was that for?" Asked Mary, her hand reaching up to touch her just kissed cheek.

"For stopping me moping, for letting me finally make up my own mind."

Mary smiled and Sybil turned again to leave. "One last thing Sybil and I'm not saying this to in any way effect your decision. But you asked me when I joined Team Tom." Sybil nodded at this. "It was his reaction to the postcards. He would come everyday to see if there was a new one. Even tho at first I gave him a hard time, he never gave up, never stopped coming. He would light up if one had arrived and for a few brief moments I think he felt like he had you back. Then it would fade and that part of him would close off. That was how I knew."

"Knew what?" Asked Sybil.

"That he loved you. And I'm so sorry I didn't see it before."

Sybil nodded "Me too Mary, me too." She smiled sadly, took a deep breath and walked out the door.

* * *

Hope it was worth the wait, as you can probably tell we are nearing the end of this little story, next part is likely to be the last. Hopefully it won't be so long in coming this time.


	11. Chapter 11

So here we are final part hope you enjoy. As ever thanks for the review, follows and faves and thanks for taking this journey with me. Hope it was worth it.

Sybil had been standing staring at the buzzer for ten minutes trying to get the courage to push it. She wanted to see him, wanted to share her decision with him. But every time she lifted her finger she stopped, unable to continue further. 'Pull yourself together' she mentally chastised herself. She could do this, it was Tom, no matter what happened in the end it would be okay, it always would be. She reached again but before she could touch…

"You know you are supposed to hit the buzzer right?" Crackled Tom's voice.

"Er, How did you know I was here?"

"Saw you out the window, coming up the path."

"Oh, I guess I.. I look like a bit of an idiot, don't I." Why didn't you let me in, I've been stood here ten minutes?"

"Wasn't sure you were here to see me?"

"Who else would I be here for?" Said Sybil a little more forcefully than she had intended. In the silence that followed she could picture him shrugging his shoulders before shaking his head having realised that she couldn't see him.

"So I guess.'' He paused as if unsure ''Do you still want to come up?" She could hear the hopefulness in his voice and it gave her courage.

''Yes, Yes, If you want me to that is?''

The only answer was the sound of the buzzer.

* * *

Tom was standing in the open doorway to his flat watching her as she made her way up the stairs. He looked beautiful but to her he always had. His fringe was over long again falling away into his eyes, giving him a boyish look that belied his age. She resisted her usual urge to pull him into her arms. It was not the time for that no matter how much she wanted to. They needed to talk and she didn't want to complicate things with a physical interaction that she could easily get lost in. It had been too long and she had missed him too much to trust herself with touch.

Tom move aside letting her in and she walked towards the living room.

''Do you want a cup of tea?'' asked Tom.

"Yes Please, milk one.. "

''Milk one sugar, I remember" He called back.

Sybil looked around, not much had changed in the past year, a few new photos. One of Ed and Larry at their wedding and a group photo featuring Tom, Matthew, Mary, Ed, Larry and Edith. Her absence from the photo gave her an unexpected pang. It still surprised her how much she had missed out on while she was away. How much things had changed yet stayed the same. It wasn't as if she had expected the world to stop while she had been gone. But maybe she just wished it hadn't seemed to continue quite so well.

"You should be in that photo you know." said Tom behind her. She turned and stepped towards him, accepting the cup of tea he held out to her. "I thought about photo-shopping you in, but seemed a bit pathetic and bordering on stalkerish to be honest" He said it so dead pan that for a second Sybil thought he was being serious, till he smiled and she knew he was kidding.

Sybil sighed and moved towards the window she needed a minute to gather her thoughts. She wondered when it had got so awkward between them, the usual easiness seemed to have disappeared replaced by fear and doubt. She had practiced what she wanted to say a hundred times in her car on her way over, but at this moment she had no idea how to begin.

"So.." Said Tom at the same time Sybil began to talk "Tom.."

She stopped and he motioned for her to continue. She shook her head her courage momentarily leaving her.

"You came here to talk Syb. It's your turn. I told you how I felt when you came back and in my emails" he added quietly head down not looking at her, he looked defeated she had to physically grip the window sill to stop herself from wrapping her arms around him.

"I finally read your emails, finished them this morning in fact." his head snapped up at this. His eyes finding hers for the first time since she had entered his flat.

"Oh, its just I thought" He sighed in defeat or was it relief she couldn't tell, dropping his shoulders he tried again. I thought you must have read them and didn't care or that you still thought it was all too broken. I kept away like you asked but these two weeks have been killing me. For you to be so close and still so far away and all because of my stupidity. I think I've gone a little mad.

"They took me a while, it wasn't until I had a talk with Mary that I read them properly. I started the night I came back, but the first one was all about you and Ed and I guess I was still too mad at you at that point to listen or decide, so I stopped. It wasn't until Mary gave me a few home truths, that I went back and really looked."

"About the whole Ed and me thing.."

Sybil put her hand up to stop him. "I don't think there is much really much more to say, do you?"

He turned away from her then, breathing deeply as if to steady himself. "Well I guess I need to respect how you feel" turning back meeting her eyes again, but now they were cold. "But I think you should probably leave now."

"Tom?" Said Sybil wondering what had just happened in the last few moments, running the conversation back.

"Please Sybil?" He sounded pained.

At that moment the need to touch him, comfort him, overcame any fear that remained within her. She walked towards him wrapping him in her arms, burying her head in his neck. They stood like that for some time neither making a sound or movement. Finally Sybil lifted her head. Tom looked at her questioningly and before she knew it she was kissing him. She knew they needed to talk, that she was going against everything that she had told herself before she got there. But she couldn't do it, couldn't get the words out that she needed. The only thing she felt she could do right now was show him. She broke away for a moment, but held eye contract. He looked shell shocked, confused but happy.

"Syb? What's?" He asked. She smiled placing a finger to his lips and leaning forward again. This time keeping her eyes open so not to break eye contact, at the moment their lips met she caught his hand in hers. She only allowed the kiss for the briefest second before pulling away. Taking a deep breath she pulled on his hand, asking without words for him to follow her, as she led the way to his bedroom.

* * *

She awoke much later to the blissful feeling of lying in Tom's arms. His left arm was slung over her mid-section pining her in place, while his head lay as near to hers as possible while still remaining on his pillow. For a moment it was if no time had passed, as if they had never had those terrible years of separation, this was how they had always slept as if even in sleep they couldn't bare to be away from each other. 'Old habits die hard' she thought to herself.

They still hadn't talked, neither had seemed to have the patience for it once they had entered the bedroom and at the time words were not needed. She thought she had got her message across, she hoped that he understood what this had meant. She wanted to lie there forever, never having to leave the comfort of his arms again. But life was preventing that. She had been ignoring it for the last few minutes, but the fact was she really needed to pee.

She slowly extricated herself from under his arm, trying not to wake him, maybe she could return without him noticing her gone. She surveyed the floor for something quick to put on. Spotting her jumper on the floor she grabbed it and was in the process of putting it over her head when.

"So is that it then?" a sad and resigned voice came from the bed. "We have a final shag and then you try and sneak out without saying goodbye?"

She whirled round to face an angry Tom, 'So much for getting away without the talking,' she thought. She should have known it wouldn't be that easy.'

"What?" She asked "No Tom I wasn't, I just needed to.."

"It's okay you said we didn't have anything more to talk about. I just thought, hoped that maybe after this you changed your mind." He said sadly not looking at her.

Sybil moved back to the bed, climbing on to her knees in front of him. "Tom?" he still wouldn't look at her. "Tom?" She asked again. This time she took his face in her hands forcing him to look up at her. The pain she saw there made her heart ache so she did the only thing she could think of, she kissed it away. Tom didn't react to the kiss and when she pulled away he was looking at as if he was completely confused.

"When did I say we had nothing to talk about?" she asked.

"We were talking about my emails and you said.."

"Oh Tom" she said kissing him again "You idiot. I meant about you and Ed or what was not you and Ed" she screwed up her face confused. "I didn't mean us. I just don't think we need to talk about what happened last year because the truth is I realised I don't care about it. It isn't important now. What's important is us."

"So there is still an us?" he smiled

"Yes" she nodded "Yes there is and I really, really want to talk about it. But right now I really, really need to pee." His laughter followed towards the bathroom.

* * *

She was disappointed when she returned to find him in his dressing grown in the kitchen boiling the kettle.

"We are never going to talk if we stay in there" he said indicating his bedroom.

"I suppose your right, would be fun tho" she replied with a smirk.

"Later" he promised

"I'll hold you to that."

Tom made the tea while, Sybil found something comfortable to wear. The fact that it was one of Tom's old shirts that smelled of him was a bonus.

"So?" She said returning to the kitchen and accepting her tea from Tom, who was now sitting at the kitchen table. Sybil wondered about taking the empty chair, but decided it had been too long since she had been in Tom's arms so she picked his lap instead. Tom didn't seem to have an issue with this, as he wrapped his arms around her and buried his face in her hair.

"So does this mean we are back together?" She asked

Tom didn't reply just nodded and started to kiss her neck.

"Tom" Although she really didn't want him to stop. "We really should talk" reluctantly she pulled away pushing at Tom's shoulders.

He pulled away with a sigh. "Aye we should."

"I don't want to rush this, us." She began.

"No wouldn't want to do that after six years" he said with a smile.

"You know what I mean." She said swotting his arm.

"So me asking you to move in with me would not be a good idea. Even though technically you have nowhere to live and are currently living in your sisters spare room. So it would seem the best option."

"Exactly" she said with a smile. "I know it seems silly, but I want to sort out my life first. I don't have any clue what I'm doing what my future is apart from you of course" she was rewarded with a smile. "I'm thinking and don't laugh. I'm thinking of going back to school. To train as a nurse"

"Why would I laugh, I think you would be perfect as a nurse. By the way does it come with a uniform?" This earned a glare from Sybil, he laughed for a moment and then turned serious. "Truly Sybil I couldn't think of anyone more perfect to be a nurse."

"I'll have to go back to college, but I was looking into it and it didn't seem too bad. Dad said he would help with tuition and Mary and Matthew won't mind me staying as long as I've got some direction. But you see, I have no idea how busy I'm going to be, no idea how much time I can give to a relationship." She knew she was starting to babble.

"Syb, I told you I'd wait and I will and if you want to be single while you study then.."

"NO!" She said forcefully, then more quietly. "That's not what I meant, I won't lose you again. I just wanted to warn you, so you know what you are getting into."

"Sybil, go do what you need to do and I'll be here as much as you want me to. I love you Syb. The rest is just detail."

"I love you too, Tom" leaning in to kiss him again. "Now I believed you promised me something earlier" she said jumping up from his lap.

"I believe I did Mi'lady." he joked kissing her quickly and walking back to the bedroom.

Sybil watched him go for a moment. Sybil felt like a weight had been lifted from her shoulders. The regret she had felt after first letting Tom go was gone. She felt free and ready to start again.

"Syb?" He called

"Coming, Love. She giggled running to join him.

She was ready to begin again a new chapter of her life without regret and with Tom.

The End

* * *

Tho there might me a short epilogue if I get enough reviews. :-)


	12. Epilogue

Hey, well this is it the end of the story, hope it is okay. Just to answer a couple of questions from the reviews for the last part.

My fault for lack of research on nurse training, I'm English so I should know really but I guess we seem to pay for every else university wise these days that I just assumed. Sorry. As to why I put college instead of Uni I actually don't know. I guess it might be because years ago they used to call it nursing college and I did it on autopilot. Opps. Thanks for pointing them out and hopefully I'll be more careful in future. :-)

* * *

"Tom?" She asked staring up into the darkness of his bedroom.

"Hmm" came a muffed reply

"Tom?" She asked again giving him a gentle shove. "Are you awake?"

"I guess I am now" he replied blinking up into the darkness.

She turned then laying her chin upon his chest.

"What about the ring?"

"The ring?" He asked his head still cloudy from the half slumber her question had taken him from. "You woke me up at.." he turned his head to the clock on his bedside table. "2.45 in the morning to ask about a ring?" She could tell he was trying to not sound annoyed, but failing miserably. She knew he was grumpy when woken but this was important.

"Yes the ring I found, the ring I thought…"

"Oh 'The' ring" he said shaking himself awake, as if quickly catching on to the significance of the conversation. "The one you found when you where snooping in my room, that ring."

This earned him a playful smack on the chest.

"Hey, I wasn't snooping. I was in your room and I happened to see it, not my fault you left it out for the world to see. Caused a lot of trouble, that old ring did."

"Aye, it did" he nodded the ghost of a sad smile crossing his lips. He pulled her closer then as if needing to remind himself that she was there and that time was over.

"Truth is " he started "The truth is it was my grandmother's. She gave it to me when I was eighteen and told me to hang on to it until I found a girl worthy of it, the girl I wanted to marry."

"Oh and have you?" Sybil asked her head down trying to pretend she didn't care about the answer.

"Maybe" he said. "Trouble is she won't even move in with me, so I think a ring might be too much at the moment, might scare her off." He pressed a kiss to her skull.

Sybil smiled.

"You are never going to stop trying are you?" she replied.

"Trying?" He asked innocently.

"Trying to get me to move in" she answered.

"Until you say Yes? No."

"Good." She said placing a kiss to his chest and then turning back to her own pillow. "Cause one day I just might say yes."

* * *

It had taken just over six months for Tom to convince Sybil to move in. She was three months into her nursing course and things were working well, neither of them had ever been happier. The truth be told, although she would pretend otherwise it hadn't really taken much convincing on Tom's part. She knew deep down she couldn't keep up the lie that she lived with Mary and Matthew much longer as she was barely ever there.

She spent every evening with Tom and although she would always be adamant at the beginning of the evening that she would be leaving to spend the night at Mary and Matthew's she never quite managed it and consequently always ended up sleeping in Tom's bed. This had led to her slowly storing almost all her possessions that she didn't have in storage in Tom's flat rather than at her Sister's home. Really she and Tom had been living together all the time it was just now they were making it official. Telling the world what they had known all along that they were in this together and that it meant forever.

Today was moving day. Edith, Mary and Matthew were all helping to move Sybil's stuff out of storage and into Tom's flat. Ed and Larry would have been there too, but they were away on a dirty weekend. Ed's words not Tom's as he was quick to explain. The final boxes had been moved in amid a little swearing from Tom about how they would fit it all into his tiny flat. This led to Sybil jokily threatening that she didn't have to move in if it was all too much for him, to which Tom quickly decided that his flat was much bigger than he first thought.

The work done, Sybil and Tom said goodbye and thank you to her sisters and brother- in- law for their help. Edith who had recently herself moved in with her married lover or Michael as Sybil kept having to remind herself to call him, he was after all practically her brother-in-law. The truth was it wasn't his fault he had a crazy ex-wife who wouldn't grant him a divorce even though she wanted out of the marriage as much as he did. Trouble was he had found someone else to move on with and she hadn't. She didn't want him she just didn't want anyone else to have him either. It made Sybil sad that two people who had obviously cared enough to get married could end up hating each other so much.

Edith was pragmatic when it came to the situation. She told Sybil that she had spent most of her adult life wishing for love and although it wasn't perfect this suited her just fine. There was no pressure to get married as it wasn't an option, but she felt loved and cared for and really that was all she ever wanted. When asked about Anthony she would say that it had all been for the best and although she would never tell her, Mary had in the end done her a favour. She had come to realise that she had in a way loved him, but she hadn't been in love with him. She had been in love with the idea of being in love and convinced herself that they were one in the same. For Sybil's part she had never seen Edith so happy as she was with Michael and that alone was enough for her to give them her blessing.

Mary and Matthew had hugged them both goodbye. Mary was constantly telling them how happy she was now they were finally moving in together. It didn't seem to matter how many times Sybil told her she was forgiven for helping to keep them apart, the guilt still stayed with Mary, to the point of uncharacteristic displays of affection. The problem was it always seemed to lead to overly long goodbyes.

With her family finally departed she turned to Tom.

"So?" She asked

"So?" He returned

"Are you going to tell me?" He didn't answer her just raised a questioning eyebrow. "You have been acting strange all day." She narrowed her eyes at him. "You practically bit Matthew's head off when he made the crazy suggestion that we should put the boxes marked 'bedroom' oh I don't know actually in the bedroom. You my darling boy are up to something" she said narrowing her eyes "and I want to know what it is."

He sighed at this as if admitting defeat. "Okay, but you need to close your eyes first."

"What?" she asked.

"Just do as you're told." She huffed at this but closed her eyes anyway. "Now turn around." She opened her eyes again but was just met with a pointed glare, at which she turned around closing her eyes again. She felt him place his hands over her eyes. "Now no peeking until I tell you" he breathed into her ear so softly it made her shiver.

He guided her then towards the bedroom, opening the door to allow them access. They stepped in to the room and Sybil held her breath waiting. After what seemed like an age but was just a few seconds.

"Okay you can open them now." Said Tom removing his hands from her eyes.

She blinked to take in the scene before her and grasped. Several dozen red roses were placed in vases around the room. On the bed lay one single red rose and next to it was Tom's Grandmother's ring. She walked towards the bed picking up the ring. Turning back she found Tom down on one knee.

"Oh Tom" she sighed. "This must have cost a fortune."

"I know maybe this is a bit conventional l for us and I know how you feel about rushing things but the truth is I love you and I want to marry you and I want the world to know it."

"Tom" she said him pulling up from the floor. "This doesn't have anything to do with that guy from the bar the other night, he really was harmless."

"I went to the loo for five minutes and when I came back he was all over you Syb!" He huffed. "But no that not why I'm asking, tho it is a plus point. The truth is it's your ring. It's been your ring since the day I met you, since before I even met you. You should wear it Syb, I want us to be engaged and not to warn off creepy men but because you love me and I love you. I'm not saying we get married tomorrow or next month or even next year. But you should wear it Sybil, it shouldn't just sit in a box…"

"Yes." She said but he wasn't listening

"And I know you don't want to rush.. "

"Tom!" She said taking his face in her hands, forcing his eyes to find hers again. "I said yes."

"Eh" He turned a little red as he realised he had been blabbering.

"I said yes Tom, At least I will If you ask me properly that is." She said handing him the ring.

He smiled closing his eyes for a second and breathing out in relief. He took her hand in his and as he pushed the ring on to her finger he asked. "Sybil Crawley, Will you marry me?"

"Oh alright then, I suppose" She answered with a giggle.

They sealed it then with a kiss.

"Did you really think I'd say no?" She asked.

"If I'm honest after the number of times I had to ask you to move in, I wondered if my first attempt at a proposal would be knocked back."

"Oh you poor thing, that's why you have been like a bear with a sore head all day. You must have been so freaked out. You could have made it easier on yourself and let my family in on it."

"Are you kidding me they couldn't keep a secret even if they tried"

"What even Matthew?"

"Especially Matthew. Your parents do know tho, I asked them first." At her look he explained. "I didn't ask for permission if that's what you're thinking, just their blessing. Your father was under no illusion that I wouldn't ask you anyway no matter what he said. Luckily they approve of me and are both very happy for us."

"Soooo?" She asked biting her lip. "Do you really want to wait to get married?" She asked.

"What happened to not rushing?"

"I've thought about it and I've decided life's too short. She smiled. "How about next summer?"

He grinned then nodding happily. "So no regrets?"

"No regrets" she replied. "Not anymore." Leaning in to kiss him once again.

The End

* * *

So that's it hopefully no more confusion on the state of their relationship J. I want to thank everyone who has reviewed over the past few months you are really what keep us writers going. Hopefully I will get back to my other story letters now, I have neglected I'm afraid and possibly another that I have going around in my head but we will see.


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